yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
