I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize