Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
