I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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