It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
