At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
