Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
