Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
