watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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