Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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