Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
