There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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