wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
