I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
