Are my feet made of real feet?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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