i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
