Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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