So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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