I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I smell stomach acid.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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