think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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