I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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