You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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