U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
