Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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