none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
