Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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