I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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