I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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