Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i now understand why vodka
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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