she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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