Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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