ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
