But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
