I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
