is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
