he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
