found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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