My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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