did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you made out with another girl for some wings
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
