Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
