Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
