I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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