He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
