hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
