Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
