he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
