I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
