He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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