Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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