so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
