so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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