so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
