When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
