not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just tell him i said nine months
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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