i don't plan on having that self control this summer
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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