the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
