what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
