yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
