the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
