at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
