Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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