So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
