The best revenge is premature balding
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
