4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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