We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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