glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
