I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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