i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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