using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
