Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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