I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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