Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
