They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
how does that bad decision feel?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
