...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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