He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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