I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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