I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I will be naked everywhere
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
