He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
