this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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