my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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