Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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