I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
